


Ruminations

by fuzipenguin



Series: Half Your Age +7 [34]
Category: Transformers Generation One
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Friendship/Love, M/M, Older!Twins, Other, Twincest, younger!ratchet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24481441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuzipenguin/pseuds/fuzipenguin
Summary: Ratchet's thoughts leading up to the eve of Sunstreaker's arrival.
Relationships: Sideswipe/Sunstreaker (Transformers)
Series: Half Your Age +7 [34]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1142771
Comments: 42
Kudos: 90





	Ruminations

As the days passed, Sideswipe somehow managed to get both better and worse. To Ratchet’s knowledge, he became celibate which meant he didn’t get thrown into the brig for indecent exposure anymore…

… but he was more reckless on the battlefield. It was as if he thought nothing could touch him and his joy at the upcoming reunion with his twin meant that he barely noticed pain.

Which was unfortunate, because none of his joy actually translated into better instincts or faster reflexes. If anything, Sideswipe somehow got a fraction slower, his motions becoming less fluid and graceful. Ratchet never had time to lollygag around during a fight, but he saw it in Sideswipe’s jerky walk while on base, the way his hand would sometimes tremble as he held an energon cube.

Wheeljack and Ratchet had a conversation about it one night when Sideswipe was on duty. They had both noticed these changes and finally hypothesized that it was Sideswipe’s frame catching up with his processor. Much like how Ratchet actually got more tired on the second half of his off shift as his body finally realized it was getting a break. They figured that Sideswipe’s body had been running on survival instinct all this time and now that the message had been received regarding Sunstreaker’s arrival, it was finally starting to relax out of its hypervigilant state. 

And Ratchet had absolutely no idea what to do about it besides fret.

As well as Ratchet worrying about whether or not Sideswipe would actually live long enough to be reunited with his twin… Ratchet continually agonized about what it would mean for him. He had no doubts that Sideswipe and Sunstreaker would need some time to themselves before ever even _thinking_ about Ratchet. But once that time came… what would they say? Would they come right out and ask him to be in a relationship with them? Would there be more dancing around one another until they all got their equilibrium back?

Ratchet had no idea what his answer would be if they outright invited him into a romantic relationship. He was… fond of them both, of course. Thinking they had died had torn a hole in his spark that fortunately Wheeljack had been around to help heal. But could he go through that again if he said ‘yes’ and they actually died? Odds were that they would. They fought on the frontline every day, and no matter how good they were, the dice could fall either way.

Yet…

… could Ratchet let them go? He didn’t know just how sustainable their current ‘in-between’ relationship was. If he said ‘wait’, would they give him up completely? Ratchet didn’t think so, but how would that be fair to them? They were… invested in him, or at least Ratchet thought so. Love was… well, Ratchet didn’t know if they loved him, but they acted as if they were fond of him as well. Wouldn’t it be cruel to string them along?

Ratchet had no answers for himself. And the days continued to fly by, until the morning of Sunstreaker’s arrival finally dawned. Sideswipe had paced for most of the night, unable to sit still. Wheeljack had immediately fallen into recharge as soon as he came in, but Ratchet had stayed up with Sideswipe, trying to distract him with inane conversation.

Near the beginning of beta shift, Sideswipe abruptly came to a standstill in the middle of Ratchet’s and Wheeljack’s quarters, his head cocked to the side and a faraway look in his optics.

“Can you talk to him yet?” Ratchet asked curiously. Apparently distance impaired their ability to speak, and the longer they were apart, the more their bond thinned. Normally, they would have been able to communicate days ago, but they had been separated for far too long, according to Sideswipe.

“… yeah,” Sideswipe said faintly. He swayed in place for a moment before turning and stumbling to Ratchet’s berth, sitting on the edge of it with a grunt. “I can hear him now. Definitely emotions and images… not quite words yet, but we’re almost there.”

“What are you telling each other?” Ratchet asked, and then almost immediately regretted it. It wasn’t really any of his business.

“Oh, basically I’m telling him to hurry the frag up and he’s telling me to quit complaining. In so many words,” Sideswipe said, giving Ratchet a grin. The smile faded from his face after a moment, although his optics remained fixed on Ratchet’s face.

“Told him you were here,” Sideswipe added, gaze turning solemn. “He’s pretty thrilled you’re alive and ok.”

Something within Ratchet’s spark fluttered. “Has Sunstreaker ever really been thrilled by anything? Doesn’t seem like a typical reaction to me,” Ratchet replied, having to reboot his vocalizer before speaking.

“It’s not; not outwardly, at least. But I’m inside his head,” Sideswipe said, tapping the side of his helm. “And you’re not at all typical. He’s been worried, just like I had been.”

“Oh.” Ratchet ducked his head and studied his lap, threading his fingers together. “That’s… I’ve been worried too. About him, that is. I’m glad I was here for you, but who has Sunstreaker had?” 

Sideswipe’s face takes on an odd expression and he pauses before speaking again. “There’s been someone, I think. Someone little and orange. I get the impression that he helped Sunny out a lot.”

Ratchet’s tight chest eased a little. “Thank goodness. I’m glad. Although I’m sure when it comes down to it, the person who is going to help you both out the most is each other.”

“Yeah, it’s…” Sideswipe’s lips thinned as he trailed off. He ducked his head and stared down at his hands where they were limply draped over his thighs. “I’m sorry… I know I’ve been a pain in your aft and I’m sure you’ve wondered why you put up with me. I’m a lot to put up with on a _regular_ basis, so…”

“Sideswipe…” Ratchet reached out and covered Sideswipe’s closest hand with his own. “I… you and Sunstreaker both are… important to me. Yes, you have some annoying quirks, the both of you, but we’re still friends. That’s what friendship is about: caring for one another even if the other person is being an annoying glitch. ”

Sideswipe leaned over to rest his head on Ratchet’s shoulder. He sighed as he snuggled closer, nasal ridge brushing the side of Ratchet’s throat.

“You mean like when I had to chase you down in Medbay and cuff you to get you to rest?” Sideswipe asked, a lilt of amusement in his tone. 

“Or like when I had to scan you for viruses every day for two weeks straight because you were fragging everything that moved?” Ratchet returned. He threaded his fingers through Sideswipe’s and squeezed.

Sideswipe laughed. “Primus. I wonder what Sunny got up to. So… um… we’re important to you, huh?”

“We’ll talk about that some more once Sunny gets here. And after the two of you catch up,” Ratchet said, squeezing Sideswipe’s hand again.

Sideswipe sighed and Ratchet would have bet his nonexistent paycheck that there was a pout happening in the general vicinity of his shoulder.

“Fiiiine… but that conversation _will_ take place, you know,” Sideswipe said with a touch of seriousness in his voice that Ratchet wasn’t used to. “I like to think I’ve been a good boy all this time, but it hasn’t been easy with the epitome of temptation recharging next to me every other night.”

“Well, how do you think I feel?” Ratchet replied without thinking. Then he realized what he said at the same time Sideswipe jerked away and stared at him. As Ratchet looked back warily, he watched a wide grin bloom across Sideswipe’s face.

“Cuteness…” Sideswipe drawled. “…does that mean you’re actually attracted to me? You’ve been thinking of jumping these old struts?”

Oh, Primus, save him. Ratchet’s whole entire frame flushed with heat and his optics darted off to the side in search of an escape. He couldn’t believe he had actually said that out loud.

“You and your brother are not… unattractive,” Ratchet admitted. “And please… like you have any of your original structure left. I just replaced your left ankle for the second time I’ve known you last week!”

Ratchet pushed himself to his feet and in a strange turn of events, Sideswipe was the one sitting calmly on the bed while Ratchet paced back and forth.

“You say the sweetest things!” Sideswipe said delightedly. “This is kind of awesome, actually. We thought maybe you were afacial. As long as I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you have any sort of non-platonic relationship. Which is totally fine, no judgement there… but we do really like to ‘face.”

“I could never tell,” Ratchet said dryly, recalling all the times he’d accidentally spied the twins groping one another. “And I’ve been with mecha. You don’t know the entirety of my life story.”

Sideswipe shrugged. “Course not. That’s what relationships are about… learning more about one another. Anyway, it’s good to know we’ve caught your attention after all this time.”

“You haven’t been subtle,” Ratchet rebuked, finally coming to a standstill in front of Sideswipe. He defensively crossed his arms over his chest. “I… for the longest time, I thought it was a joke. Sometimes, I still wonder…”

Sideswipe looked stricken and he visibly flinched back. “… oh, Ratchet…” He slowly pushed himself to his feet and crossed the few steps that separated them. His hand raised up as if to touch Ratchet, but he paused as if not certain how it would be received.

“It’s not a joke. Maybe in the first few days, it was a little… you were so easy to fluster. But even then… it came from an honest interest,” Sideswipe said softly.

Ratchet ducked his head, shaking it a little. He stared at Sideswipe’s pedes, suddenly aware that Sideswipe was overall really quite grungy. But that wasn’t important to the topic at hand so Ratchet pushed the concern to the side.

“Why, though?” Ratchet asked plaintively. “I’m nothing special. I’m blocky and standoffish… what in the Pit made the two of you decide that you should chase after me?”

“Well… saving my life was a good start. And doing it while not backing down to a stressed out Sunstreaker was an added bonus. You’ve never been truly scared of us, sweetspark. You’ve never been condescending or treated us like abominations…”

“That’s just common decency!” Ratchet interrupted, head jerking up to stare at Sideswipe. “Anyone could have…”

“’Anyone’ didn’t… you did.” Sideswipe finally placed his hand on Ratchet’s shoulder, thumb soothingly stroking his collar seam. “You’re smart and skilled and you don’t take slag from anyone… and yeah, you’re blocky, but _we_ think you’re hot.”

Ratchet worried at his lower lip and looked off to the side. “I still think you could do better.”

“We’re millennia old, Ratch. And in all that time, we’ve only ever been attracted and liked the same person once… you. So, respectfully… we’re ignoring your opinion on this.” Sideswipe gave Ratchet’s shoulder a little shake and when he looked up, he saw Sideswipe softly smiling down at him.

“… I’m scared,” Ratchet suddenly blurted out.

Sideswipe cocked his head to the side, smile faltering. “Of what?”

Ratchet wet his lips. “Of losing you. I… I pretty much believe you when you say it’s not a joke. And I know you and Sunstreaker are in agreement about most things. But… we’re in the middle of a war. What if we… and then… I’ve already lost you once, or I thought I did anyway. I don’t know if I can go through that again.”

To his credit, Sideswipe didn’t immediately spew platitudes or reassurances. Instead, he nodded thoughtfully and took a few seconds before speaking. “It’s always possible. In fact, it’s honestly probable. For either of us. ‘Cons don’t like medics and Megatron likes our friends and partners even less. Sunny and I are always in the thick of things of course, and you’ve seen how much we get hurt. So yeah… we could get together today and you could lose one or both of us tomorrow.”

It was Ratchet’s turn to reach out and grasp Sideswipe by the arm. “I’m not fooling myself into thinking that if one of you died, that I’d be enough for the other.”

A look of guilt flashed across Sideswipe’s face. “I’m… inclined to say you’re right. It wouldn’t be anything against you, Ratch. But Sunny and I aren’t just bondmates; we’re literally pieces of each other. I’m not sure it would be physically possible. And if it were… I just really don’t know. I can’t imagine living without Sunny. That’s… that’s a huge piece of me to lose.”

And that was when Ratchet lost any of his doubts about Sideswipe and Sunstreaker’s interest in him. They came with their own warning, and they didn’t try and hide it.

“But I will say this… if I _did_ survive losing Sunny… I would never regret loving him,” Sideswipe added, his smile bittersweet. “I would hope that if you lost us… truly lost us… you wouldn’t regret the time we had together either.”

Ratchet suddenly had to blink back coolant tears. When he had thought the twins had died, he had been grief stricken, yes. But he had never been angry at them for shoving their way into his life. 

“And if you lost me?” Ratchet asked, his voice thick with emotion.

Sideswipe frowned. “Well. It wouldn’t be pretty, that’s for sure. But we would praise Primus that we had you while we did.”

Ratchet crashed into Sideswipe’s chest the instant he stopped speaking. Sideswipe didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Ratchet’s back and he held onto him tightly. Ratchet was so overcome that he squeezed Sideswipe with all his strength, making him grunt as his plating creaked.

“Primus, I sometimes forget how strong you are,” Sideswipe gasped as Ratchet quickly loosened his hold. “Damn, that’s hot.”

“You are ridiculous,” Ratchet said, face firmly buried against Sideswipe’s armor. “… and I’m not promising anything right now, but… ”

“I know. Sunny’s gotta get here first, and once we’re done merging each other silly, we’re tracking you down and having a talk,” Sideswipe said, nuzzling the side of Ratchet’s helm. “Or maybe we’ll just tackle you down onto a berth, I’m not picky.”

Ratchet squirmed free, Sideswipe making a faint noise of protest. “Good luck with that. I can’t be for sure, but I may be stronger than the two of you together.”

Sideswipe’s engine gave a little rev, and the look he gave Ratchet was pure heat. “Fine then. Topple _us_ onto a berth. We’ll like it, trust me.” 

Just as Ratchet was about to retort, Sideswipe’s optics went wide and he jerked his head around to stare at the wall. “They’re a half klik outside the perimeter,” he said faintly.

“Well, then, let’s get down to the import bay to meet him,” Ratchet said, his lines prickling with nervousness. “Do you… you’re kinda filthy…”

Sideswipe glanced down at himself and then shrugged at Ratchet, looking a little sheepish. “Sunny should know better. It’ll take too long to wash up to his standards and I want to be there to meet him as soon as he steps outside the shuttle. Oh, Primus. He’s here. He’s really here.”

Ratchet could only look on with amusement as Sideswipe started bouncing in place looking ever so much like a sparkling. “Are you nervous?”

“A little. I’ve done some stupid slag that he would have been able to talk me out of, so I’m sure we’ll have words about that. But I bet he’s done things I wouldn’t have liked, so he’ll have to answer to me for whatever those things were,” Sideswipe replied, a little gleam in his optics that Ratchet hadn’t seen before.

“I hadn’t realized how much you policed each other,” Ratchet commented, walking over to Wheeljack’s berth. His best friend was still soundly in recharge, and Ratchet shook his head fondly as he pulled the blanket up over Wheeljack’s shoulder.

“We know each other,” Sideswipe replied, shrugging. He eagerly nodded when Ratchet gestured at the door, indicating for him to go first. Sideswipe speed walked through and Ratchet followed at a more leisurely pace. “So we’re the best judge of each other’s worst.”

“Well, the two of you shouldn’t be too harsh on each other. It’s been a long separation.”

“Cuteness, my love… that is the understatement of the century.”

~ End


End file.
